Archive for April, 2013

Notes About the Authentic Self from a Damaged Mind

Posted in Me, Thoughts and rants with tags , , , , , , on April 8, 2013 by Eyeless

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Try being yourself uncriticized – won’t fuckin’ work. As we are mirrors of our surroundings we will all become our own worst critics, sooner or later. We simply care so much about how our fellow humans see us that we can’t focus on how we see ourselves.

It shows in how we interact with our surroundings, in our hypocrisy, but it’s really all compromise & adaption. We change ourselves so that others will accept us, but still it is an uncomfortable change, for we want things to be  absolute and firm. What irritates us with change is that nothing stays the same. Ironically, nothing’s as absolute as the ever-changing Now – change is absolute chaos, and chaos is what it is – Everything.
The Now is the adapting presence that bridges all modes of time – past, present, future. What you do and who you are now is what remains of yesterday, and what will develop into whom you are tomorrow. Don’t hang up on trying to become yourself for the sake of others, instead try just being authentic for a while, change for your own sake. Then, what’s authentic?
Not having to think about what you should do, who you should be, where you should go. Authenticity is void of expectations. You don’t have to set your goals because they’re already in your gut. You don’t have to rely on trusting or doubting your feelings, that’s what the third eye is for – insight.
Your authentic self is unquestionably the Real you. Authentic is all that you already are, do, where you go & what you will develop into from the present. Authentic is every part of your existence that unites with the Now. Authenticity is important because we are the authors of our own lives, and as authors we all wear our own individual marks, scars and styles and it shows in our Everything. Authentic is the opposite of your questions – it is your answer.

A Question of Misery

Posted in Artwork, Thoughts and rants with tags , , , , , on April 1, 2013 by Eyeless

This is for the depressed, and about the judgmental & ignorant mass of people that we have to wade through in our everyday lives. To all of you who won’t lend a helping hand to your hurt friends because it’s uncomfortable or “too much” or because you expect them to immediately feel better after a pat on the shoulder, please, do go on reading.

Way too often I have experienced people avoiding friends that are depressed, sometimes because it’s too much of a strain to hang out with them and sometimes because it’s apparently a pain in the ass when people are too “lazy” to take care of their own problems. Whatever reason you have to judge the low –for which I see no valid arguments- in which way would judgment make them feel less depressed? How would it take you back to normality if other people judged you without regards to what you’ve been through when you feel low? If you have to be that bothered by the emotions of others, then make them feel better rather than making it worse!

Depression is much like a padded cell; you are imprisoned in a claustrophobic room together with your demon self. If you want the depressed to grab themselves by the neck, if you expect them to get better by being shunned or ignored because you do not simply care too much about the troubles of other humans, you really should not think of yourself as any higher than they; you are not better in any way. Think of the whole situation like this: There are two rooms, one atop the other and a separating floor in between. The separating floor is the obstacle which is depression; this is what the depressed must break through to get better. In the room below the state of depression lies ignorance, above lies enlightenment.

Considering you dislike and judge depressed that much, one could perhaps derive from this that you simply do not want them to feel depressed but lack the ability to express your feelings more elegantly: maybe there’s a slight sense of irritation over the fact that they cannot seem to overcome their woe, that they aren’t normal, like you. But talk to them, God damn it! They won’t have the courage or strength to rise by their own weakened force unless they defeat their ego (I think that I have previously stated in this blog that depression is a battle against the ego. If not, I have now).

You cannot simply expect any of this to happen if you or someone else does not take part as a ladder for them to climb out of their pit on. Sure, some people are strong enough to overcome their agony, but it’s a bit more safe to assume that they’re not. Remember that you risk lowering yourself below them, below depression, where love and life are at halt; you are below the most gloomy way of living, because you do not even strain to care about the pain of others; instead you’ll push them deeper down by condemning them. You’re passing time in ignorance.

Know that the unhelping hand is the worst possible, the one of selfishness, prejudice and utter ego. Depression is a confrontation with the ego, and helping someone to win over their ego might also help you do the same. Ego is an alluring force, but beyond the ego there’s a slice of enlightenment waiting to be found. I think this is worth fighting for, and worth helping others to fight for.