A Question of Misery

This is for the depressed, and about the judgmental & ignorant mass of people that we have to wade through in our everyday lives. To all of you who won’t lend a helping hand to your hurt friends because it’s uncomfortable or “too much” or because you expect them to immediately feel better after a pat on the shoulder, please, do go on reading.

Way too often I have experienced people avoiding friends that are depressed, sometimes because it’s too much of a strain to hang out with them and sometimes because it’s apparently a pain in the ass when people are too “lazy” to take care of their own problems. Whatever reason you have to judge the low –for which I see no valid arguments- in which way would judgment make them feel less depressed? How would it take you back to normality if other people judged you without regards to what you’ve been through when you feel low? If you have to be that bothered by the emotions of others, then make them feel better rather than making it worse!

Depression is much like a padded cell; you are imprisoned in a claustrophobic room together with your demon self. If you want the depressed to grab themselves by the neck, if you expect them to get better by being shunned or ignored because you do not simply care too much about the troubles of other humans, you really should not think of yourself as any higher than they; you are not better in any way. Think of the whole situation like this: There are two rooms, one atop the other and a separating floor in between. The separating floor is the obstacle which is depression; this is what the depressed must break through to get better. In the room below the state of depression lies ignorance, above lies enlightenment.

Considering you dislike and judge depressed that much, one could perhaps derive from this that you simply do not want them to feel depressed but lack the ability to express your feelings more elegantly: maybe there’s a slight sense of irritation over the fact that they cannot seem to overcome their woe, that they aren’t normal, like you. But talk to them, God damn it! They won’t have the courage or strength to rise by their own weakened force unless they defeat their ego (I think that I have previously stated in this blog that depression is a battle against the ego. If not, I have now).

You cannot simply expect any of this to happen if you or someone else does not take part as a ladder for them to climb out of their pit on. Sure, some people are strong enough to overcome their agony, but it’s a bit more safe to assume that they’re not. Remember that you risk lowering yourself below them, below depression, where love and life are at halt; you are below the most gloomy way of living, because you do not even strain to care about the pain of others; instead you’ll push them deeper down by condemning them. You’re passing time in ignorance.

Know that the unhelping hand is the worst possible, the one of selfishness, prejudice and utter ego. Depression is a confrontation with the ego, and helping someone to win over their ego might also help you do the same. Ego is an alluring force, but beyond the ego there’s a slice of enlightenment waiting to be found. I think this is worth fighting for, and worth helping others to fight for.


5 Responses to “A Question of Misery”

  1. …and of course, with “lowering yourself” I don’t mean as in lowering your value as a human being, but rather lowering your quality of life. A lack of empathy signifies to me a lack of life. It is pure stagnation; while depressed people at least aim for a way out, ignorance is, well, ignorance.

  2. Loved this Says:

    I loved reading everything that is written on your blog! Keep writing. I loved it! Your soul is beautiful…

  3. yourothermotherhere Says:

    There was a point in my life where multiple life changing events happened all at once. One was a catastrophic illness, another was the loss of my job.

    I am usually an upbeat person, but each day I found myself falling deeper and deeper into a dark well of depression and despair. It was as if I were looking up and all I saw was a circle of light getting smaller and smaller.

    I did not know what to do.

    I felt alone.

    I prayed about it.

    I felt the pull to email my sister hundreds of miles away. I told her what was going on (overcoming my ego).

    She responded immediately.

    My life changed from that moment on.

    Was my recovery immediate?


    But she stopped the fall. She lowered a ladder. And I climbed out.

    So you are right.

    • Up until very recently, I have always been the one to take care of my own problems: I’ve been stuck to myself and my thoughts. Then, in my most recent crisis my friends suddenly reached out to me and I felt an almost overpowering love and surge towards everyone. I haven’t recovered yet, but it’s like being at the hospital: the sickness sucks and the treatment is generally uncomfortable (although necessary), but what really helps you to recover in the end are all the friends and loved ones who come to visit you & to be there for you during the struggle.

      • yourothermotherhere Says:

        You are right. I think many times we feel that we have to carry our burdens alone, that no one cares anyway. But when, and if, a person reaches their breaking point and reaches out, I think it’s emotionally overwhelming to see all the hands reaching out to them to help. It’s just that initial reaching out can be so hard!

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