Waking Dreams

It’s late at night and I’m lying in bed trying to fall asleep, my back facing the rest of the bedroom. After a minute or so, there’s a subtle sensation in the back of my head. I feel a vague presence, then movement, as if someone is closing in on me before lightly pressing their mouth close to my ear.

“Jacob.”

The word is muttered quickly, with a clear and distinct voice which closely resembles that of my little brother. I know that my brother is upstairs. Nowadays I seldom sleep with my back facing an open space.

 

Awakened and Grumpy

After a three-month writing hiatus, I have emerged from my burrow like a grumpy old marmot who has overslept Groundhog day and hasn’t yet realized Winter has been blown over and that Spring as just arrived. Punxsutawney Phil’s annual 15 minutes of fame is an important and prideful moment for any marmot. It is not something you simply miss out on. One fact that is important to know about the marmot is that it is a race of proud, subterranean people. Being elegantly minded but less elegantly locomoted and a bit insecure, the marmot is easily offended -far too easily.

All sorts of thoughts and ideas have been bubbling around in the tiny head of the dreaming marmot. Deep under those layers of fat and fur, a lullaby has been whispering secret messages that have travelled far from the past to speak of the future. But they did not lull him into deeper sleep, they stirred his dreams and upset his mind. This morning, his hibernation came to an end. A rather cool sun of the early Spring shone in his face and tickled his whiskers and dazzled his eyes. You do not mess with a marmot. You let the marmot sleep, and you let him sleep until he has fully rested. No one wants a grumpy marmot.

I can write about marmots for seven days straight.

Talent

I don’t believe in natural talent, if by natural talent one means being born with a gift. Surely, some people have an aptitude for, let’s say mathematics. This is because the choices they’ve made and the actions they’ve done have narrowed down their skill tree to that particular subject. What we are actually born into is an open world of opportunities. Our talents will only start to grow as we take action.

To every special person out there

There are two popular concepts in society that when singled out might sound meaningful, but when coupled together fall short as cute but contradictory: Everyone is equal & Everyone is special.

In truth, on a global level, everyone isn’t equal or special; was this the case the two concepts would lose purpose. Special as a word defines something that isn’t normative. If everyone’s special, then special becomes a norm which goes against what it signifies. Everyone wouldn’t be special; everyone would just be everyone. In other words, equal.

On paper, everyone is equal can be seen as everyone has equal rights. Equality exists as a word, meaning sameness (1+1=2) or degree of sameness (1+0.9≈2). Because “equal” is not practiced in reality, it must be measured. In theory, equality among people can be expressed through the concept of rights. This is a heartful idea, but if everyone had the same rights, would there be a need in pointing them out? When you look at a mass of people you don’t point out that everyone wears the same hats, unless it’s a unique situation. If everyone was truly equal, if everyone was the same, sociologists wouldn’t have much to study. I’m not saying that rights are pointless, but that they’re obvious. At least they should be, because only a not-so-completely-developed persona needs to be told that their individual rights aren’t the only rights that matter to humanity. Having “equal rights” written down on a bill of rights/amendments might serve as a meaningful statement in all its fairness, especially defining exactly what these rights are, but egoistic minds will still not think “equal rights”.

Everyone isn’t special.* Individual is what everyone is, much like how no snowflake is similar to the other if you take a good close look at one of them; but wouldn’t a special flake be one that you could pinpoint in a heap of snow? A special person is someone who you’ll spot in the masses pouring over a cross-section during rush hour. That one who’s dressed in 10 different colors.

*Maybe this could be why so many of us feel bad about our self-image when we compare it to others? We want everyone to be equally special (a wish that might be seen as a logic syntax error) but fail to identify our own individuality. Who knows – this could relate to an inner envy – If others are special, while I’m not special, this means there’d have to be winners and losers & I don’t want to be a loser! After all, one of the things people are bothered by the most nowadays seems to be other peoples Facebook-statuses. We’re obviously obsessed with the idea of comparing our lives with others; just to reassure ourselves that no one is really better than us – but damned be those people who dare to live a more special life!

The Good, The Bad & The Elitist

“Il buono, il brutto, l’elitario”

This post was meant to be posted in the end of August. Shame on me.

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Here’s what I have to say on “On the protection of art”… There are few insults to art as big as the elitists who try to “protect art” (merely speaking from my own perspective as an artist here). I’m not talking about copyright this time. I think censorship belongs to this subject as well, but what I’m trying to focus on is that in some peoples heads, there’s this idea, that today’s artists cannot measure up to past talents, and because these past talents raised the bar pretty high, new talents must strive for higher or at least equal standards. In other words, most of todays art is not REAL art (tsk, whatever “real” art is). This idea also states that if you, as an artist, do not reach the same type of complexity and symbolic depth as these “past geniuses”, your art will lose complexity and symbolic depth altogether.

One example I have is someone commenting on a song by the band Swans, using the above statement. Swans implement a monotonous, droning sound which slowly escalates into a lengthy and powerful crescendo. Said person expressed his dislike towards this sound on the basis that Genesis’ prog rock style is much more complex, and would fill the same amount of time with more complex riffs, solos & intelligent soundscapes. Nothing bad was really said about Swans, but it was hinted that, even though their music has a good vibe to it, it will never surmount the perfectionist sound of Genesis. This person’s belief was furthermore explained: todays music has fallen farther and farther away from the musical foundation built by the 70’s prog rock, therefore, it is no longer to be considered an art form.

My reaction is this: Come on, guys.

I love Swans and I love Genesis. I love drone and I love prog. None of these exclude the other. None of these exceed the other, and more importantly: No one wants someone else to tell them what is true art and what isn’t (Unless you’re  totally new to the concept of art & think there’s a distinction between true and false art I suppose); it’s clearly not for anyone to decide. Surely a subjective opinion on art is everyone’s right. Surely you’re free to observe and express your opinion based on your observations, but remember, as is everyone else. “I’m just expressing my opinion” is not an excuse to unjustify the reactions of others. There isn’t a need for guardians-of-art; only the people who would take on such a role would think there is a need for it. Sadly, they’ve forgotten that art is really nothing but freedom of expression. No one has exclusive rights to freedom; it’s a collective right.

Now, some of you owe the douchebag jar some money.

A Myth Takes Hold

This post is generalizing as hell.

People believe what other people say. Criticism is not seldom viewed as negative, even if the criticism itself is constructive in nature (People don’t want to change because change requires: 1. effort 2. the bravery of heading into the evolution of future. 3. Anti-criticism-people are afraid of change -aka the unknown- and would therefore rather stay and rot in their comfort zones than develop into something better -because, after all, “everyone is special“. I detest the “No one is a loser” speech. Not because I have faith in the paradigms of good/bad or winner/loser, but because the “everyone is special“-argument does nothing but nullify the existence of loss, and as a bonus, they don’t have to expose themselves to the strain of adapting to the new stuff. These people cannot deal with loss, because they suck at it, are afraid of it, hate it, or something else like that. They don’t want to lose, they only want to know that everything is fine with them, they’re PERFECT just the way they are, and therefore they will end up as undeveloped, nullified personas).

Getting back to the initial subject: People believe what other people say far too easily. Friends pass bullshit onto other friends, parents pass it on to their children and the children have faith in their deceptive hypocritical parents, and pass on the bullshit of the older generations to the younger generation, so the shit can spread real well. The younger generation has a more naive viewpoint than the older generation, so whatever information they snatch up easily becomes distorted so as to fit their world view. And the wheel turns around once more.

Thus, a myth is born. To unenlightened people, a surprisingly huge lot of “facts” and “truths” will soon enough reveal themselves as nothing but rumors and lies planted somewhere in the fathomless past. Still, we have this nasty habit of spreading the bullshit of our own generations around. Why? Because we believe the fuck out of what our family & friends tell us!

The friend of a friend tells you that dogs can’t look up? Nah, that’s bullshit. Unless he wears glasses or went to University, then he must be a smartass who clearly knows what he’s talking about!

A very simplified example, but nonetheless, that’s sometimes how bullshit spreads. This person said this, this other person said that. Oh my, no way! Gossip is entertaining, that’s a simple statement. Who cares if it’s the truth when there’s a little drop of drama at last? Who cares about what truth or what lies the surrounding people derive their bullshit from?

Exactly, who cares? Because no one does. Because if you do, you are a critic, and regular people do not like criticism. Because doubting the validity of information is lack of trust. Not many people like distrust. I want to tell them: Then start finding out the truth, damn it.

Hi, wanna come over for some sex-I mean FILM!

Apparently, when people ask if you want to come over and watch films with them, they’re actually asking if you want to come over for sex. Now, to me this didn’t exactly come out of the blue; with some people you just get the hint, but that this was a general way of asking for intimacy somehow eluded me. Am I the socially retarded one or is it everyone else?

I suppose this is because if I wanted someone to come over for sex, I’d ask them to come over for sex. I mean, what makes people go the other way around? Are all people afraid of rejection? Not exactly implausible, though I can’t see how rejection would be less possible If you asked people over for film or anything else for that matter. Either the other person wants or does not want to, regardless of the situation. It’s just the idea that the risk for rejection would be greater for sex than anything else.
If you’re afraid that they’ll say “uh, no thanks” and back off and things will get awkward, hell, I cannot see how it could get less awkward if you ask an unsuspecting person over for film and, as soon as you’ve trapped them in your living room, straddle them! If you think about it, it’s really sort of an “ask first, shoot later”-situation. If you somehow pulled the trick and things went your way, well that just means that you could have asked them honestly beforehand and things would not have been different.

It’s as if people think “what if they’ll say no? Then maybe they’ll stay away from me. I wouldn’t want that!” Well, some people stay away from other people that will ask them over with the false pretense of a casual hangout, then start flirting as soon as they’ve locked the door… And it’s not like you can “save them for later” and avoid the problem until you’re pretty sure that you’ll get to hit that thing. If they’re not interested in sex they’re not interested; that’s all there is to it and you will never be sure if you never ask! It’s one way to honestly unveil the mystery of “do or don’t”. I guess flirting on a subtler level is another option, but I guess the time you want to spend on that depends on how long your pants can wait. I guess it also depends if you’re asking a friend or a stranger (a stranger on the other hand, is no big loss. Trust me, there are lots of those).
Perhaps it’s not surprising that I’m a bit tired of people being controlled by their fears. This social thing seems to be such a big thing for some, but it’s really just as big as you make it (hah, I bet you hate that phrase!). After all, one of the biggest steps of the entire human populace was but one step of one man – it was the moon-dust that made it such a big thing, still it was nothing but a single step. A single casual question ought not be such a big deal after all, but it is somehow. Fear and other negative-emotional obstacles often appear much bigger than they are – that’s why they are so threatening (duh).

In this case it’s that one little word that is big and scary – sex. Look at the phrase “Do you wanna come over to my place for x?” and it’s not a creepy thing to say until you replace X with a word that reflects your insecurities or one that is generally considered taboo. Though, for the sake of social smoothness, consider on daring the scary things once in a while. Social insecurities often lead to insecure consequences – you never know what’s going to happen when your initial plans start to shine through. Speaking out loud your inner desires might seem as a bold and clumsy thing to do, but that’s because we’re clumsy about the things we desire. The more we bring the touchy things into the casual sphere, the less sore they ought to become. The people you trust the most, aren’t they honest after all?
One could think about it this way: If you shoot first, people just might die. If you ask first, they just might stay away from you, but they’ll at least thank you for not shooting them.

That’s about how much I can rant about this.

You In?

Every time I fall asleep, this is what my dreams tell me:

You fuck the world, you fuck yourself

Everything is everything. It’s as simple as that. You drop a needle, a part of everything changes. Even if you stopped breathing & died, someone or something else will see to it that you are transformed. Even if you do nothing you do something, because everything is part of everything, even nothing. It’s all just a blurry mass of vibrations.

Who are you? You’re it.

So care for the world. Express your feelings and hold nothing back. Stand up for who you are. Display love, hate, sadness, desperation, happiness when it needs to be displayed. If you judge yourself others will judge you too. If you judge them they will judge you back. If you hold up the door for most people, most people will hold up the door for you. If you change, others will change. We live inside a huge sandbox game werein we have maximum influence. All our actions will boil down into the consequences of the future. You choose what future your children will have. You fuck the world, you fuck yourself.

Notes About the Authentic Self from a Damaged Mind

Try being yourself uncriticized – won’t fuckin’ work. As we are mirrors of our surroundings we will all become our own worst critics, sooner or later. We simply care so much about how our fellow humans see us that we can’t focus on how we see ourselves.

It shows in how we interact with our surroundings, in our hypocrisy, but it’s really all compromise & adaption. We change ourselves so that others will accept us, but still it is an uncomfortable change, for we want things to be  absolute and firm. What irritates us with change is that nothing stays the same. Ironically, nothing’s as absolute as the ever-changing Now – change is absolute chaos, and chaos is what it is – Everything.
The Now is the adapting presence that bridges all modes of time – past, present, future. What you do and who you are now is what remains of yesterday, and what will develop into whom you are tomorrow. Don’t hang up on trying to become yourself for the sake of others, instead try just being authentic for a while, change for your own sake. Then, what’s authentic?
Not having to think about what you should do, who you should be, where you should go. Authenticity is void of expectations. You don’t have to set your goals because they’re already in your gut. You don’t have to rely on trusting or doubting your feelings, that’s what the third eye is for – insight.
Your authentic self is unquestionably the Real you. Authentic is all that you already are, do, where you go & what you will develop into from the present. Authentic is every part of your existence that unites with the Now. Authenticity is important because we are the authors of our own lives, and as authors we all wear our own individual marks, scars and styles and it shows in our Everything. Authentic is the opposite of your questions – it is your answer.