Apparently, when people ask if you want to come over and watch films with them, they’re actually asking if you want to come over for sex. Now, to me this didn’t exactly come out of the blue; with some people you just get the hint, but that this was a general way of asking for intimacy somehow eluded me. Am I the socially retarded one or is it everyone else?
I suppose this is because if I wanted someone to come over for sex, I’d ask them to come over for sex. I mean, what makes people go the other way around? Are all people afraid of rejection? Not exactly implausible, though I can’t see how rejection would be less possible If you asked people over for film or anything else for that matter. Either the other person wants or does not want to, regardless of the situation. It’s just the idea that the risk for rejection would be greater for sex than anything else.
If you’re afraid that they’ll say “uh, no thanks” and back off and things will get awkward, hell, I cannot see how it could get less awkward if you ask an unsuspecting person over for film and, as soon as you’ve trapped them in your living room, straddle them! If you think about it, it’s really sort of an “ask first, shoot later”-situation. If you somehow pulled the trick and things went your way, well that just means that you could have asked them honestly beforehand and things would not have been different.
It’s as if people think “what if they’ll say no? Then maybe they’ll stay away from me. I wouldn’t want that!” Well, some people stay away from other people that will ask them over with the false pretense of a casual hangout, then start flirting as soon as they’ve locked the door… And it’s not like you can “save them for later” and avoid the problem until you’re pretty sure that you’ll get to hit that thing. If they’re not interested in sex they’re not interested; that’s all there is to it and you will never be sure if you never ask! It’s one way to honestly unveil the mystery of “do or don’t”. I guess flirting on a subtler level is another option, but I guess the time you want to spend on that depends on how long your pants can wait. I guess it also depends if you’re asking a friend or a stranger (a stranger on the other hand, is no big loss. Trust me, there are lots of those).
Perhaps it’s not surprising that I’m a bit tired of people being controlled by their fears. This social thing seems to be such a big thing for some, but it’s really just as big as you make it (hah, I bet you hate that phrase!). After all, one of the biggest steps of the entire human populace was but one step of one man – it was the moon-dust that made it such a big thing, still it was nothing but a single step. A single casual question ought not be such a big deal after all, but it is somehow. Fear and other negative-emotional obstacles often appear much bigger than they are – that’s why they are so threatening (duh).
In this case it’s that one little word that is big and scary - sex. Look at the phrase “Do you wanna come over to my place for x?” and it’s not a creepy thing to say until you replace X with a word that reflects your insecurities or one that is generally considered taboo. Though, for the sake of social smoothness, consider on daring the scary things once in a while. Social insecurities often lead to insecure consequences – you never know what’s going to happen when your initial plans start to shine through. Speaking out loud your inner desires might seem as a bold and clumsy thing to do, but that’s because we’re clumsy about the things we desire. The more we bring the touchy things into the casual sphere, the less sore they ought to become. The people you trust the most, aren’t they honest after all?
One could think about it this way: If you shoot first, people just might die. If you ask first, they just might stay away from you, but they’ll at least thank you for not shooting them.
That’s about how much I can rant about this.