Hi, wanna come over for some sex-I mean FILM!

Apparently, when people ask if you want to come over and watch films with them, they’re actually asking if you want to come over for sex. Now, to me this didn’t exactly come out of the blue; with some people you just get the hint, but that this was a general way of asking for intimacy somehow eluded me. Am I the socially retarded one or is it everyone else?

I suppose this is because if I wanted someone to come over for sex, I’d ask them to come over for sex. I mean, what makes people go the other way around? Are all people afraid of rejection? Not exactly implausible, though I can’t see how rejection would be less possible If you asked people over for film or anything else for that matter. Either the other person wants or does not want to, regardless of the situation. It’s just the idea that the risk for rejection would be greater for sex than anything else.
If you’re afraid that they’ll say “uh, no thanks” and back off and things will get awkward, hell, I cannot see how it could get less awkward if you ask an unsuspecting person over for film and, as soon as you’ve trapped them in your living room, straddle them! If you think about it, it’s really sort of an “ask first, shoot later”-situation. If you somehow pulled the trick and things went your way, well that just means that you could have asked them honestly beforehand and things would not have been different.

It’s as if people think “what if they’ll say no? Then maybe they’ll stay away from me. I wouldn’t want that!” Well, some people stay away from other people that will ask them over with the false pretense of a casual hangout, then start flirting as soon as they’ve locked the door… And it’s not like you can “save them for later” and avoid the problem until you’re pretty sure that you’ll get to hit that thing. If they’re not interested in sex they’re not interested; that’s all there is to it and you will never be sure if you never ask! It’s one way to honestly unveil the mystery of “do or don’t”. I guess flirting on a subtler level is another option, but I guess the time you want to spend on that depends on how long your pants can wait. I guess it also depends if you’re asking a friend or a stranger (a stranger on the other hand, is no big loss. Trust me, there are lots of those).
Perhaps it’s not surprising that I’m a bit tired of people being controlled by their fears. This social thing seems to be such a big thing for some, but it’s really just as big as you make it (hah, I bet you hate that phrase!). After all, one of the biggest steps of the entire human populace was but one step of one man – it was the moon-dust that made it such a big thing, still it was nothing but a single step. A single casual question ought not be such a big deal after all, but it is somehow. Fear and other negative-emotional obstacles often appear much bigger than they are – that’s why they are so threatening (duh).

In this case it’s that one little word that is big and scary - sex. Look at the phrase “Do you wanna come over to my place for x?” and it’s not a creepy thing to say until you replace X with a word that reflects your insecurities or one that is generally considered taboo. Though, for the sake of social smoothness, consider on daring the scary things once in a while. Social insecurities often lead to insecure consequences – you never know what’s going to happen when your initial plans start to shine through. Speaking out loud your inner desires might seem as a bold and clumsy thing to do, but that’s because we’re clumsy about the things we desire. The more we bring the touchy things into the casual sphere, the less sore they ought to become. The people you trust the most, aren’t they honest after all?
One could think about it this way: If you shoot first, people just might die. If you ask first, they just might stay away from you, but they’ll at least thank you for not shooting them.

That’s about how much I can rant about this.

You In?

Reblogged from breastfedblog:

Every time I fall asleep, this is what my dreams tell me:

You fuck the world, you fuck yourself

Everything is everything. It’s as simple as that. You drop a needle, a part of everything changes. Even if you stopped breathing & died, someone or something else will see to it that you are transformed. Even if you do nothing you do something, because everything is part of everything, even nothing. It’s all just a blurry mass of vibrations.

Who are you? You’re it.

So care for the world. Express your feelings and hold nothing back. Stand up for who you are. Display love, hate, sadness, desperation, happiness when it needs to be displayed. If you judge yourself others will judge you too. If you judge them they will judge you back. If you hold up the door for most people, most people will hold up the door for you. If you change, others will change. We live inside a huge sandbox game werein we have maximum influence. All our actions will boil down into the consequences of the future. You choose what future your children will have. You fuck the world, you fuck yourself.

Notes About the Authentic Self from a Damaged Mind

Try being yourself uncriticized – won’t fuckin’ work. As we are mirrors of our surroundings we will all become our own worst critics, sooner or later. We simply care so much about how our fellow humans see us that we can’t focus on how we see ourselves.

It shows in how we interact with our surroundings, in our hypocrisy, but it’s really all compromise & adaption. We change ourselves so that others will accept us, but still it is an uncomfortable change, for we want things to be  absolute and firm. What irritates us with change is that nothing stays the same. Ironically, nothing’s as absolute as the ever-changing Now – change is absolute chaos, and chaos is what it is – Everything.
The Now is the adapting presence that bridges all modes of time – past, present, future. What you do and who you are now is what remains of yesterday, and what will develop into whom you are tomorrow. Don’t hang up on trying to become yourself for the sake of others, instead try just being authentic for a while, change for your own sake. Then, what’s authentic?
Not having to think about what you should do, who you should be, where you should go. Authenticity is void of expectations. You don’t have to set your goals because they’re already in your gut. You don’t have to rely on trusting or doubting your feelings, that’s what the third eye is for – insight.
Your authentic self is unquestionably the Real you. Authentic is all that you already are, do, where you go & what you will develop into from the present. Authentic is every part of your existence that unites with the Now. Authenticity is important because we are the authors of our own lives, and as authors we all wear our own individual marks, scars and styles and it shows in our Everything. Authentic is the opposite of your questions – it is your answer.

A Question of Misery

This is for the depressed, and about the judgmental & ignorant mass of people that we have to wade through in our everyday lives. To all of you who won’t lend a helping hand to your hurt friends because it’s uncomfortable or “too much” or because you expect them to immediately feel better after a pat on the shoulder, please, do go on reading.

Way too often I have experienced people avoiding friends that are depressed, sometimes because it’s too much of a strain to hang out with them and sometimes because it’s apparently a pain in the ass when people are too “lazy” to take care of their own problems. Whatever reason you have to judge the low –for which I see no valid arguments- in which way would judgment make them feel less depressed? How would it take you back to normality if other people judged you without regards to what you’ve been through when you feel low? If you have to be that bothered by the emotions of others, then make them feel better rather than making it worse!

Depression is much like a padded cell; you are imprisoned in a claustrophobic room together with your demon self. If you want the depressed to grab themselves by the neck, if you expect them to get better by being shunned or ignored because you do not simply care too much about the troubles of other humans, you really should not think of yourself as any higher than they; you are not better in any way. Think of the whole situation like this: There are two rooms, one atop the other and a separating floor in between. The separating floor is the obstacle which is depression; this is what the depressed must break through to get better. In the room below the state of depression lies ignorance, above lies enlightenment.

Considering you dislike and judge depressed that much, one could perhaps derive from this that you simply do not want them to feel depressed but lack the ability to express your feelings more elegantly: maybe there’s a slight sense of irritation over the fact that they cannot seem to overcome their woe, that they aren’t normal, like you. But talk to them, God damn it! They won’t have the courage or strength to rise by their own weakened force unless they defeat their ego (I think that I have previously stated in this blog that depression is a battle against the ego. If not, I have now).

You cannot simply expect any of this to happen if you or someone else does not take part as a ladder for them to climb out of their pit on. Sure, some people are strong enough to overcome their agony, but it’s a bit more safe to assume that they’re not. Remember that you risk lowering yourself below them, below depression, where love and life are at halt; you are below the most gloomy way of living, because you do not even strain to care about the pain of others; instead you’ll push them deeper down by condemning them. You’re passing time in ignorance.

Know that the unhelping hand is the worst possible, the one of selfishness, prejudice and utter ego. Depression is a confrontation with the ego, and helping someone to win over their ego might also help you do the same. Ego is an alluring force, but beyond the ego there’s a slice of enlightenment waiting to be found. I think this is worth fighting for, and worth helping others to fight for.

Unfolding Mysteries

Isn’t that what life is about?

Parents and Their Damn Children

When the media tells us what to do everyone freaks out (Though, I suppose that those who do what the media tells them is the exception), but when we tell our own children what to do, even when we tell them very weird things (I will come to this), it is suddenly alright. Is the wish of these people to disobey everyone else, but still have all else forced to obedience? Do we like to rule our own children as a projection of the resistance we feel towards ourselves being ruled by others?

 

I remember the 90′s, when parents told their children all kinds of stupid things:

If you watch TV too much, your eyes will become square.

If you cross your eyes for too long, they will stay that way.

If you roll your head you may break your neck.

If you swear too much, your tongue will become black.

If you lie your tongue will become blue.

If you don’t clean your room, the dust rats will bite your toes.

If you watch too much Transformers, they’ll come out of the screen.

If you don’t wear your bicycle helmet and fall, your head will crack open like an egg.

 

All of these “rules” are about limiting and frightening children so that they will refrain from doing petty stuff that annoys adults. They do nothing but reveal the frustrations and anxieties that fly about in our parents’ minds. Still, parents themselves weren’t exactly the best role models. In fact, they seldom lived by these rules themselves. Any opposition from the children was quickly discarded. “You will understand when you get older.” Parenting consisted of scaring children and forcing them to live a life robbed from self-experiences, where all they did was to be colored by their obedience to the parents forcible will. No free thinking was allowed that was not to the parents content, and much of the outside world was censored for them. This isn’t exactly news, though it isn’t exactly gone either. It is very present.  

How does this affect a human being? Imagine yourself being forced to obey someone. You will never get an explanation as to why, other than “because I say so” or “because I’m your parent”. There is nothing to it other than the unjust concept of an unquestionable authority, which decides what is allowed to do and what is allowed to say. As adults, we would get extremely upset about this (if we ourselves were subject to this concept), because we don’t want an authority to parent us, we want freedom and justice (though, freedom and justice that serves us well rather than others). The less we get as children, the more we want as adults. It shows how much freedom we want in how much we are unwilling to obey other people, unless there is something to it. “If I don’t get paid for this, then forget it, do it yourself.”  

As a parent, you have the power over another human being, a power which is easy to abuse. A child does only have a naive interpretation of the world, as it does not have as much experience to build its expectations from. We decide what our children will learn, what opinions they should have and what clothes they will wear. As soon as they grow old enough to resist our authority (hey, no wonder why teenagers are so grumpy, when I come to think of it), we grow back to our own bitter selves. There’s not much more to be done or said, power washes away with age. When it has been washed away, it leaves small grains of realisation behind it, and with them come the questions crawling to us. 

“Maybe I could have done things differently? How did it come to this? What did I do to bring up such an upset kid?”

 These aren’t exactly rare thoughts among parents, and not rare at all among people in general. When we see the opportunity we will act out our wishes, which, as I have alreday stated, are colored by what we lacked during our own childhood. Maybe some people should be a bit less narrow and a bit more open to begin with. I’m simply promoting the acceptance of different willpower among people, especially between children and their parents, that’s all. You’d think people would need some self-distance, and a strong bottle of self-realisation while they’re at it. Damn hypocrites.